egg

cw: references to suicide

Inspired by The Egg, written by Andy Weir

You died, no point in sugar-coating it.

They ruled it a suicide. Truthful I'd say.

But all you can remember, are small flashes of your final hour.

You went to the bridge, it has a reputation for it.

They said you had an episode, your girlfriend was away. Nobody knew, and nobody could help.

It's a shame, you were destined for more, but you couldn't keep going, and you didn't know how to ask for help.

They tried to save you, but, realistically, you were better off dead.

You wouldn't have lived a good life if you survived the impact.

You opened your eyes, awakening in a void, a deep darkness surrounded you.

It was weirdly familiar.

Almost as if you had been here before.

In the near distance, a figure could be seen.

Tall? Short? A man? A woman? You couldn't tell, even as the figure approached.

It spoke with a soft, calming voice, an androgynous voice at that.

< One hundred and seventeen billion people have ever lived.

< One hundred and nine billion people have ever died.

< There will be more, growing exponentially though time.

< Some believe in a God, some don't. Do you?

> I wasn't really religious. Agnostic I'd say.

You paused to think for a moment.

> I don't remember too much. Is this the afterlife?

< Yes.

> Purgatory?

< No, not purgatory, this is simply the space between your previous life, and the next.

> So, some people were right about reincarnation? Like the Hindus, the Buddists, the Sikhs?

< A little bit, all religions were right in some way.

You fell silent for a moment.

You thought about your family.

Your friends.

Your girlfriend.

The figure waited, it understood you.

You began to cry.

The figure kneeled down, and wiped away your tears.

It placed its hands on your shoulders.

> I can't go back, can I?

< What's done is done. Your past is already written, it cannot be erased.

< You can be sent back, but nothing will change, and you won't remember this.

> What about my girlfriend, my family, my friends.

> Will they be okay? Do they know?

< There's no need to worry.

< Your girlfriend was the first to know, then your mother, and then your friends.

> Shit.

< She doesn't blame you, but she never got over your death.

< The rest of her life went as good as ones life can go though.

< The same goes for everyone who knew you.

< You shouldn't sit on that though, everyone dies.

It's admirable that even after you have died, your first thoughts are of the people you loved.

Those people loved you, and did for the rest of their lives.

The void fell silent.

You observed a world begin to take shape around you.

The figure pats you on your shoulders.

It stands up and gestures for you to follow.

< Come, walk with me.

> Where are we going?

< Nowhere in particular, I just find it nicer to walk and talk, rather than sit.

< We can find somewhere to sit if you'd like.

> Nah, I'd rather walk.

This place looked familiar, you were on a path, by the coast.

You walked here a lot in your past life.

You stopped to think again.

> So are you God? An overseeing being?

< I suppose you can think of me as that, yes.

< By your definition, I am God.

> What happens now then, you reincarnate me?

< Pretty much, yeah.

> So what's the point of living then?

> If I'm reincarnated every time I die, then why do anything if I won't remember it after I die?

< In your human form, you're just a blank slate, theres no cutting around that.

< The human brain is nowhere near big enough to store every life you've ever lived.

< But if I kept you up here for just a little longer...

< Well you'll begin to remember every single one of your lives.

< Your soul, it is the one part of you that retains everything, you go into one life, and you come out of it with all the new experiences you've gained.

< The soul is beautiful, it is gigantic, it is magnificent, it portrays the kind of lives people lead.

You both arrive at the top of a cliff.

You've sat here before, many times.

This is where you went to think.

Sometimes about a major decision.

Other times, just to think.

There is a plaque on the back of the seat.

Your name is etched into the metal.

There are flowers laid neatly next to the bench.

> This is where I'm from, isn't it.

< Yeah. This is about a year after you died, about 7-o'clock in the morning. She still leaves flowers every week.

< These people can't see us, but we can still see them.

< She's about to drop off some fresh flowers, and sit with us.

< She won't be able to hear you, see you, or feel you, but at least she's here.

As the figure said this, you saw her walking towards the bench.

This would be the final time you see her, but nonetheless, you're happy.

Words couldn't describe how much you wanted to talk to her again.

She doesn't have the light in her eyes there once was. You feel like this was your fault.

She sits next to you, and looks at the ocean, you kiss her on the forehead, and hold her hand.

You know she can't see you, hear you, or feel you, but you miss her, you get a sense of relief doing so.

The figure waits patiently, as you say goodbye, you tell her you're sorry for what you did, and how much you love her.

Just for a moment, just a tiny millisecond, you thought she could hear you.

You thought she was going to respond, to say "I love you too.", but no.

As you hold her hand tightly, you turn back to the figure.

> How many times have I lived?

< Oh millions, maybe billions at this point. All different lives lead by you.

< This time around, you'll be a Salesman in Ancient Greece.

> What? I can go back in time?

< The past, future, present, they're all just constructs in your world.

< Where I come from, time doesn't exist.

> What do you mean, where do you come from?

< Oh I come from elsewhere, there's others like me too, I can't show you yet though, you wouldn't understand it.

> Oh... okay.

> Well... If I can go different places in time, doesn't that mean I've probably interacted with myself at some point?

< Absolutely, happens all the time. You'll never know it's happening, because both lives are only aware of their own lifespan.

> Well if that's the case, then whats the meaning of this, you know... me being reincarnated over and over again?

> Is it all just a bit of fun for you?

> What's the point of life?

< You're actually asking me the meaning of life?

> Well surely you'd understand why I'm asking it.

< I suppose...

< The meaning of all this, I made this whole universe for you, for you to mature.

> By "you", do you mean mankind? As in mankind maturing more over time, or...

< No. Only you. This whole universe is yours. With every life you live, your soul grows more, and your intellect strengthens.

> Why me? Why only me? What about everyone else?

< There's nobody else. In this universe, there's only two individuals. You and me.

> So everyone on the earth...

< Everyone is you, and you are everyone.

> You're joking right? I'm everyone who ever lived?

< And everyone who will ever live. Do you get it now?

> I'm Albert Einstein?

< Yep.

> My girlfriend?

< Mhm.

> Oh shit, I was Hitler.

< But you're also the millions he killed.

You fell silent.

Everything fell silent.

Your girlfriend stood up, and you let go of her hand.

She looked at the bench, but for just a second, it seemed like she was looking right at you.

Maybe she was imagining sitting with you again. Little did she know, you were there the whole time.

Alas, you killed yourself. She can't sit with you anymore.

Neither can your mother.

Your father.

Your best friend.

The figure spoke, as your surroundings faded away into the void again.

Every time you've talked to someone, you've been talking to yourself.

You've been mean to yourself, kind, generous, thoughtful. It's all you.

> All of this. Why?

Because someday, you're going to become me. You're one of my kind, my own child.

You will oversee your own universe.

> You mean, I'm a God?

< Not yet. You haven't been born yet. Once every human life through all of time has been lived, then you'll have grown enough to be born.

> So the whole universe is just an egg?

< That's it.

< You understand it all now. It's time to go now though.

With that, you were sent to your next life.

And the one after that.

And the next after that.